I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
