I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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