If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
