I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize