saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
