New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize