How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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