That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
