9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
