I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
