I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
