1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
