My liver just broke up with me...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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