Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
