A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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