every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
