my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize