My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
