How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
