i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
