Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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