I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
