On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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