I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
