It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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