Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
