no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
