I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
