It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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