I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize