sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
