I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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