She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
