he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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