Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
