is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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