I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize