Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
