Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
