I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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