I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
