Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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