he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
