The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
zippers are such a cool invention
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
