Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
