How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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