Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
