i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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