I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
