What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
