Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
