They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So squirting runs in the family.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
