I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
