Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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