the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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