My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
