He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
