Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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