Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
