What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
