I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
