did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
