if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
