Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
