Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Vodka?
Forever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
