p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize