due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
