oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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