I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
