genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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