thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
