she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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