the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
