and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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