I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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