yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Everyone says I win the strip club
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
