i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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