My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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