Soap is not a condiment
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
