Who wears a wallet chain?!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
