I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
