So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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