did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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