My first STD was from a foam party
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
