he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
