i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
