My first STD was from a foam party
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
