hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's Friday. Sex?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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