Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize