We won't sleep together?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
