she smelled like a LAN party
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
