What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
