): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
